Creating connection

When empathy doesn’t come easily

5 minutes

Sometimes you might find that others describe you as forthright, frank and to the point with others, or even direct with expressing your opinions. These traits are indeed an advantage, but it’s important to acknowledge that some situations require a different approach.

Showing empathy can be difficult – especially for people who’ve been wired for output and success for a long time. At the same time, it can be developed with consistent steps. As Sterling K Brown says, “Empathy begins with understanding life from another person’s perspective. Nobody has an objective experience of reality. It’s all through our own individual prisms.

Recognising a challenge in demonstrating empathy is a great first step! Let’s look into the benefits of empathy:

Strengthening relationships

Empathy fosters deeper connections. Your understanding and compassion can be seen, felt, and heard, showing others that you support and will set time for them whenever they need it.

Communicating more effectively

Empathetic people are good listeners and communicators. People are more likely to speak to you if they feel you are interested in what they have to say. Moreover, effective and empathetic communication increases the likelihood of resolving conflict, being able to understand and articulate perspectives for both sides.

Contributing to greater emotional intelligence

Empathy is a core component of emotional intelligence as described by Daniel Goleman. It allows you to better navigate social situations, and gain insight and perspective that will help with self-awareness and self-regulation.

Resolving conflicts

By listening and understanding to others’ perspectives, you validate their emotions and acknowledge that they have a voice. This can diffuse tension, help find common ground, and influence others to listen to you. This promotes collaboration, mutual understanding, and increase your influence.

Improving your leadership and teamwork

We generally all like a leader who shows genuine interest in our wellbeing and success. Empathetic leaders inspire trust and loyalty and promote this amongst others top build collaboration. They create an inclusive environment where team members feel valued and understood, which in turn promotes better performance.

So, all that may sound great, but the question then is, if I’m not good at empathy, what can I do?

Here are some strategies that can help:

Take a breath and take the time to be curious!

Other perspectives can strengthen your understanding. Instead of jumping in with your opinions right away, try pausing and ask questions such as:

• "I'd be interested in your thoughts on (insert topic)."
• “I’m doing some work on (insert topic) and I’d love to hear about what you think.”
• “I’ve been trying to see this the way you did but I’m finding it a bit difficult. Could we please meet and talk about it a bit more?”

Be in tune to the people around you

Empathy is not a script, but rather responding to someone in a timely and appropriate way in across different settings. By listening for cues and acknowledging other people’s feelings, you show sensitivity and compassion for those who may just need it the most.

An example of this would be checking in with someone affected by organisational changes. Questions such as, “How do you feel about work at the moment?” or “What’s going well? What do you find challenging?” are a good way to start empathising.

Actively listen.

This means being present in the conversation and really hearing the other person. If you’re unsure of what they said or you looked the other way, try to re-center yourself into the conversation and ask properly. It doesn’t take much for others to feel neglected.

Actively seek the perspectives of others who are different to you.

Meet up with others who have different perspectives. Ask questions, listen attentively, and engage in healthy conversation. This broadens your knowledge and understanding, helping you make informed decisions and be in a better position to contribute to a resolution.

Practice compassion and kindness.

Actively look for opportunities to help others. This may mean offering support, congratulating someone, thanking people or providing some information that others might find helpful. The more you actively practice this the more it will become a habit.

By incorporating these strategies into your daily life, you can cultivate empathy and develop stronger connections with others, ultimately enhancing your emotional intelligence and interpersonal skills.

As Brené Brown says, “Empathy is a strange and powerful thing. There is no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It’s simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of “You’re not alone.”

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